Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
