We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
