your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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