I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
