You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Shame - the story of my life.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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