just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You're like the curious george of whores
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
