Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
