I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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