nut hugger
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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