it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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