Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
