I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
