i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
