man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
