very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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