tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Green mimosas i think yes
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize