My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You need Xanax blowdarts
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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