I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize