foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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