my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
