Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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