I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
