I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
