God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
