those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
