nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
