he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
