I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
