i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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