Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
