You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
