my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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