Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
