im drinking this country out of the recession.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
