y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
