I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
