I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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