Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
