She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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