We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
