Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
