Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
