I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
