So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
