3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
