I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
