Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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