Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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