No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
