There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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