so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
