Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
