I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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