I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
