this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
