This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
