So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
