I wish I could teleport
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
