just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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