I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
