Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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