one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
