Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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