Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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