She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I want to fling myself into the sun
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
