I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
