6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
