TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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