I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
