Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
