also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do vagina's smell?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
