Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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