YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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