The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
