Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
