I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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