this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
