College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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