we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
