I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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