Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
