Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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