Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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