my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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