For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
