Little spoons don't ask big questions
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
