I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
