So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
